facing death with serenity

by the virgin terry

just caught part of a segment of pbs’ newshour on the topic of the apparent connection/correlation between creativity and ‘mental illness’ or ‘mood disorders’ like chronic depression. made me think that maybe i need to get more ‘mentally ill’. who knows, it might make me a better writer (it sucks to suck!).

anyhow, my mind was already orienting upon ‘doom’, as always seems to be the case in the early evening when, alone, i get a little high off my medicine. it makes me want to think of consequential matters, and makes me feel well enough to deal with the ‘doom/gloom’ of doing so. so it made me also think of our late dear friend mike ruppert, the brilliant courageous fiercely independent whistle blower, journalist, and writer who reportedly made a mess of his own head with a self inflicted gunshot earlier this year, sunday, april 13, who had long battled depression and spoken of suicide. i think mike was creative as hell with both how he lived, and how he died, a prolific teacher and hard boiled philosopher who never sold out.

some may view his suicide as a selling out. i don’t. i view it as an act of immense courage/will. a fitting end. some may argue it was precipitous/premature, that mike had a lot to live for still. maybe. no one knows all that went on in his head, why he chose that day when he might have waited. maybe he wanted to make a clean break while he felt strong enough, determined to do so. maybe he had worked long and hard to make peace with such a hard choice, and wasn’t going to be deterred by anything when he finally made it and had the first opportunity to fulfill it while alone in the setting he had chosen.

i can only speculate, because despite having thought of suicide probably hundreds of times in my 55 years, i’ve never come close to making peace with those thoughts. it’s one thing to ponder or speak of death, quite another to embrace it.

here is a link to a rather lengthy essay written by cheri roberts (Cheri Who?)

ABOUT CHERI: Cheri has worked in media for more than 20 years in one capacity or another. Her media years were spent mostly in broadcast radio. her writing focused on the topic of ruppert’s suicide and events leading up to it. since it is so long, and i am not a fan of attributing this particular suicide or suicide in general to ‘mental illness’ or promoting ‘suicide prevention’, i suggest u skim by/through most of it, all the way down to the big number 16, at which point it gets to the nitty gritty. listen to ruppert’s final ‘lifeboat hour’ podcast if u haven’t already done so. there is a link provided in cheri’s essay in it’s nitty gritty section to his next-to-last podcast, done the week before, which if u click on takes u to a page where u can not only listen to that one (which i also recommend, particularly for the part featuring renowned consciousness explorer/writer philosopher terrence mckenna), but can also click on the calendar date of the april 13th one.

from the timeline provided in cheri’s essay, it appears clear that ruppert killed himself within an hour or so of finishing his final broad/podcast, and that while doing that final show, it was with full awareness/knowledge that he would be killing himself very shortly. he didn’t sound at all perturbed or morose. it seems he fooled everyone, or, much more likely (imo), he was completely at peace with the decision. i find that nearly incredible, and wish to explore to whatever extent possible, the hypothetical path he journeyed to reach such a place. at this point, i can only come up with some broad ideas, such as it would be necessary to cleanse oneself of virtually all regrets, resentments, and attachments in one’s life. i imagine this could take years, as it must have for ruppert, or mere moments, depending on the situation. and it may simply be impossible for many to do. so i much envy the manner in which ruppert ended his life, and can only hope that i may, unknowingly, be stumbling down a similar path to a similar conclusion. being able to face death with serenity may be the ultimate achievement in life.

this is my single question to pose to nbl readers, as per daniel d’s idea: can u imagine facing death with the same equanimity that mike ruppert displayed in his final hours, and if so, what do u think it would take to do so?

From the Wilderness Forward, What Really Happened to Michael C. Ruppert

From the Wilderness Forward, What Really Happened to Michael C. Ruppert

Comments 42

  • The 87-year-old I play bridge with occasionally had polio at the age of 10 and has spent most of his life in and out of hospitals. Losing the option of any career based on physical movement he ended up manager of the hospital board back in the 1950s.

    Unwilling to sit for too long he always opted for the east position in duplicate contract bridge, whereby at the end of each hand he moved to the next table (N-S remaining in the same position all evening). Earlier in the year he had a fall which dislocated his right shoulder. Two weeks later he was back playing bridge, having driven himself to the club.

    The difficulty he experienced getting out of his car while attempting to carry something resulted in him catching his head on the car body, damaging one of his hearing aids. Undeterred, he carried on with the one hearing aid that did work.

    He appreciates having a coffee made for him at the club and brought to the playing table.

    Yesterday I was informed that he was moving about in his home when the calliper he wears failed to lock, and he took a tumble, causing him to break a hip bone. I was told he would need bone-pinning, and would be taken for surgery at the earliest opportunity. We probably won’t see him at bridge for a few weeks.

    Whenever people ask him how was he said: “Getting there.”

    A notable character around town is the chap who uses crutched to move around the CBD and may be seen near to supermarkets at the top of town or near the library at the bottom of town. He is unable to lift his feet much, and his head suffers from a semi-continuous shaking. I once offered to help him negotiate the steps to the library but he indicated he did not need help. I guess it takes him about an hour to move the distance I move in five minutes walking or in one minute on a bike.

    There is a fellow in his twenties who was born with stunted legs: he moves considerable distances (up to 20km) using a low-slung tricycle driven by gears and powered by arm movement. I occasionally see him on the second floor of the library building, and was once astonished to encounter him one [dark] mid-evening on one of the walkways a long way from the CBD, the ultra-bright LED lamp on him machine visible from a long way off.

    There is a 25-year-old who has deformed hands (born that way, I understand). Unable to fully participate in the industrial economy he walks from place to place. He sometimes rings me, concerned about the rapid rise of fascism in NZ and the collapse of present systems, and the fact that most other people are uninformed/unconcerned.

    Yesterday another person and I had an informal discussion with the Green Party candidate about the totally corrupt nature of the Key government, the Labour Party, the district council and the regional council, and the fact that NZ was set up as a corporation with the intention of looting the commons and producing stuff for the overseas owners. Of particularly note was the discussion about the willingness of politicians and local ‘community leaders’ to sell their souls to the system for short term reward.

    There is much work to be done and much human interaction to be fostered, and I find the continuing focus on suicide inappropriate and unappealing.

  • “can u imagine facing death with the same equanimity”

    A voluntary withdrawal of all sense-perceptions from sense objects, accompanied by the suspension of cognition, if experienced but once, and even briefly, leaves the answer “yes”. It differs from general anaesthesia, and not only in this regard.

    Then even nothingness was not, nor existence

    But, after all, who knows, and who can say
    Whence it all came, and how creation happened?
    the gods themselves are later than creation,
    so who knows truly whence it has arisen?

    Whence all creation had its origin,
    he, whether he fashioned it or whether he did not,
    he, who surveys it all from highest heaven,
    he knows – or maybe even he does not know.”

  • Thanks for the essay and question TVT-
    Well, I had to look up that up, being one of those words that I have absorbed by seeing in context, still I wasn’t sure of the exact definition:
    Equanimity: mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium.

    Answer: Yes, I think so.

    There was one point in my life when I planned an exit, without doing any research, just coming up with the idea after fainting while giving blood to the red cross: I would take a lot of aspirin over several days to reduce clotting, hook the needle (which I stole from red cross) up to a surgical tube (Home Depot) about 12 feet long, hike up to my favorite spot on top of a bluff, drape the extra tubing down so the end of it was much lower than my body, insert large needle into vein (which I had practice doing during the wilder days of my youth) and tape it there.

    I’ve read since then that bleeding to death is painful, and although I have a high tolerance for pain – being a migraineur, I could face death with more equanimity if I knew it was going to be pain free. Bullets are scary, I wouldn’t want to end up a vegetable if my aim was off.

    And for some reason, I would prefer to die when things have gotten beyond the point of having regular funerals. I’d rather remain on the surface of our Earth, and just be eaten by ants and yellowjackets, or whatever comes along.

  • ‘break a hip bone’

    i don’t recall if the following info. is from an anecdote or a more scientific source: when elderly fall and break a hip, look out! it’s often the beginning of the end for them, the first link in a chain of debilitating events. many/most(?) don’t survive more than a couple more years. so, perhaps u should appreciate your friend a bit more intensely going forward, kevin. (but from your description of him, sounds like u’re already aware of his rather extreme frail condition)

    ‘I find the continuing focus on suicide inappropriate and unappealing.’

    sorry u feel that way.

    ‘A voluntary withdrawal of all sense-perceptions’

    sounds like a case of ‘mind over matter’ to me, robin, which i’m very skeptical of, to say the least. perhaps i’m wrong, or maybe i’m right. seems to me that if it was possible and not too difficult, a lot more sheeple would have done it, including me, considering that losing the fear of death/dying would relieve an immense occasional burden of anxiety, leading to a better quality life. not to mention more deaths by suicide to prevent much suffering as life’s quality deteriorates to the extent that it’s no longer worth living. no doubt there are millions of sheeple alive right now (like very ailing elderly ones in both physical and psychological pain) who’re looking forward to death.

    ‘Bullets are scary, I wouldn’t want to end up a vegetable if my aim was off.’

    i think/feel exactly the same way, wren. but imagine not fearing death? no concern of shaky hands or faulty aim. then it would simply take a bit of research, acquired knowledge, as well as a suitable gun and ammo. BAM! u’re dead before u know it. (i have one additional fear, which may be related to the fear of death (or not): we know that the experience of time is highly subjective, like under the influence of some drugs or extreme stress. might it be possible that as a bullet penetrates a head, that time comes to a virtual standstill, and one must withstand actual consciousness/pain prior to THE END???!!!)

  • VT, you’re right about a broken hip being the end for lots of old people. It’s laying in bed that gets them. All systems start to shut down. Then along comes the “old man’s friend”. That’s what folks used to call pneumonia, back in the old days.

    Personally, I think it’s smart to talk about death. Most everybody knows that now. Well, suicide is definitely part of the picture and I appreciate any discussion of it that comes along.

    I too think that I’ll stay calm at the end. If I do my best while I’m alive, being a good person and helping others, that will help a lot.

  • The key issue is Facing Life with Serenity. Death is that thing that happens at the very end, the least important part of a person’s life.
    If one chooses to exit early for whatever reason that shouldn’t diminish how that person LIVED.

  • can u imagine facing death with the same equanimity that mike ruppert displayed in his final hours, and if so, what do u think it would take to do so?

    It would take either of:
    1) Facing a tradeoff of having to indefinitely endure extreme pain in order to remain alive, or,
    2) Existential exhaustion, minimal energy (just enough to…), an empty tank.

    I have read of cases where people survived (some in better shape than others) handgun and rifle bullets to the head. I have not encountered such reports about shotguns used specifically for the purpose of suicide. You can hacksaw the barrel down to a manageable length as long as you’re really not worried about, you know, jail or anything.
    Not recommended are small-caliber devices such as described by a late friend in a comedy routine.

  • amybees- thanks for sharing.
    infantyrone- :) Very good! But one other thing makes me reluctant to go the bullet meets brain route is that I have heard – but have not yet found a link – that it is important to die slowly and naturally, maybe even painfully, ( like being crucified for instance).
    McKenna touched on this subject but not extensively.
    The pineal gland, located in the most protected area of the body, inside the corpus collusum, was long thought to be ‘third eye’.
    It is our endogenous source of the strongest hallucinogen known, DMT.
    DMT is the psychoactive agent contained in ayahuasca.
    But in the moments immediately during/after death, the pineal gland releases massive amounts of DMT on its own, and our brains are equipped with receptors for this.
    This is an interesting fact, and has some very deep implications.
    If the pineal gland is destroyed instantly, it is not be able to release DMT, depriving one of the ‘death’ experience.

    “These few minutes after death, subjectively, are experienced as an eternity, engrossed in the DMT universe. The trip itself is a highly personal experience dictated by the deepest realms of the subconscious.
    The pineal’s significance is neither a new idea, nor an unfounded one. Spanning the expanse of human civilization runs an undercurrent of worshipful adoration to the almighty pineal, more widely known as the inner eye, all-seeing eye, or the like – considered the body’s gateway to the soul.
    Tibetan Buddhists have long carried a belief that the soul enters the fetus precisely 49 days after conception, and day 49 is the moment the pineal is formed in a fledgling brain.”http://wondergressive.com/death-solved-by-vestigial-gland/

  • Different people define “equanimity” differently. Some might proscribe equanimity as taking more than a few of the rat bastards with you when you leave. A recent FB post caught my attention: “I came into this world kicking and screaming while covered in someone else’s blood and I have no problem with going out the same way.” Or back to Huey Newton, “My fear was not of death itself, but a death without meaning.” OK. That works for me.

    And finally a quote from Claude McKay in his poem If We Must Die: “If we must die, let us fight to the end, and never surrender.” And then there is Camus’ Myth of Sisyphus, in which he concludes that the body must be dragged through to the bitter end.

    I hold nothing against Ruppert. I used to be pissed at Cobain for offing himself, but now I understand that if I was hitched to Ms. Love, I’d probably insist on doing the same. I lived in Korea and saw Koreans offing themselves right and left. The more well adjusted, following the advice of Fanon, were throwing eggs and rotten tomatoes at the Douglas MacArthur statue in Incheon. The way to mental health is continued resistance, fierce and unrelenting.

    My understanding is, following Erich Fromm’s logic is that it is profoundly dysfunctional to adapt to a pathological society. And by now that society is as globalized as the pathological, ecocidal economic, political, military, capitalist and cultural systems. So any creative human exhibiting standard wants, needs, drives and aspirations that worked for millennia, will naturally be mal-adapted, depressed and angst ridden – as they are constantly under attack and witnessing the manifest intent of their species to commit total, absolute, omnicidal planet murder. Who the hell would not be sent into the throws of utter and complete despair? The need is to articulate what is happening, not to assume that the greater society has some validity of whacked out social normalization that trumps our individual experience and analysis.

    “Damn the torpedoes! Four bells. Captain Drayton, go ahead! Jouett, full speed!”
    Admiral Farragut, Mobile Bay, August 5, 1864

  • VT

    You wrote:

    “can u imagine facing death with the same equanimity that mike ruppert…?”

    I restate the phrase…”facing death….”

    Facing death while living, and continuing to live sounds to me more challenging, and meritorious.

    Mike was a special guy. No one else could have lived the life he actually lived, done the things he did. He chose to end it, (it seems.) That is not to me the real process of ‘facing death’. Living in the moment is facing death IMHO. Mike seems to have ended his own life, thus bringing on the death process, and therefore, death no longer is a ‘problem’ or an issue while living.

    “Death is utterly acceptable to consciousness and life”

    Adi Da Samraj


    Living with Death, moment to moment is IMHO, requires the same if not more equinimity.

    Just Sayin…

  • One of the questions the DMT issue raises is, in the darwinian sense that there is a reason (an evolutionary advantage) for everything in our bodies, WHY are we equipped with DMT receptors? And why do our pineal galnds manufacture it?

  • And one more:
    The only way to sleep well, to be genuinely happy, is to keep fighting, whichever way you can, in the street demos, in your classes, in your confrontations with their police. Yes…Keep fighting those bastards. – Tito Gerassi, “Unrepentant Radical Educator”

  • Hedges

    The climate change march in New York on Sept. 21, expected to draw as many as 200,000 people, is one of the last gasps of conventional liberalism’s response to the climate crisis. It will take place two days before the actual gathering of world leaders in New York called by U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon to discuss the November 2015 U.N. Climate Conference in Paris. The marchers will dutifully follow the route laid down by the New York City police. They will leave Columbus Circle, on West 59th Street and Eighth Avenue, at 11:30 a.m. on a Sunday and conclude on 11th Avenue between West 34th and 38th streets. No one will reach the United Nations, which is located on the other side of Manhattan, on the East River beyond First Avenue—at least legally. There will be no speeches. There is no list of demands. It will be a climate-themed street fair.

    The march, because its demands are amorphous, can be joined by anyone. This is intentional. But as activist Anne Petermann has pointed out, this also means some of the groups backing the march are little more than corporate fronts. The Climate Group, for example, which endorses the march, includes among its members and sponsors BP, China Mobile, Dow Chemical Co., Duke Energy, HSBC, Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan Chase and Greenstone. The Environmental Defense Fund, which says it “work[s] with companies rather than against them” and which is calling on its members to join the march, has funding from the oil and gas industry and supports fracking as a form of alternative energy. These faux environmental organizations are designed to neutralize resistance. And their presence exposes the march’s failure to adopt a meaningful agenda or pose a genuine threat to power.

    Our only hope comes from radical groups descending on New York to carry out direct action, including Global Climate Convergence and Popular Resistance. March if you want. But it should be the warm-up. The real fight will come once people disperse on 11th Avenue.


  • Wren,
    Well, an alternate scenario could be a large dose of ayahuasca (or perhaps dried sativa divinorum, something very similar, according to McKenna) the day before you think it’s time to die. If the dose results in your deciding to stay your execution, continue on living. If it seems to reconfirm your schedule’s efficacy, take the next/last step. If you have a source for the info about massive pineal activity/release around the time of death, feel encouraged to share it.

    Your 12-foot siphon sounds plausible. Maybe a doctor or other expert here will comment on the pros & cons of arteries vs. veins. If your wild youth included tapping into your femoral artery in addition to your elbow area, then you should be able to go quite quickly and reliably, probably in minutes. Maybe that’s too fast to experience your ultimate pineal release. Too fast and you miss the DMT show. Too slow and you risk having to try again. It’s oso much like a Goldilocks y Los Tres Osos shtick. But it’s a one time thing, hopefully, so if you decide it needs doing, best to do it the way you want to, when you think it’s time. Bad enough we tend to *live* under constraints enforced by other people…

  • This is a comment about the Alex Smith interview announcement and subsequent comments. Comments seemed to be closed on the post in which it was listed.

    Guy (I presume) wrote:
    >McPherson’s 4 September 2014 radio interview with Alex Smith of Radio Ecoshock is described here (albeit disingenously) …

    Someone else commented:
    >I’m surprised he’d even do another interview with Alex after the hatchet job he did to him before

    >I stopped airing his shows after that and have never looked back. As far as I’m concerned he’s a proven establishment hack..

    Mr. Smith is probably not perfect, and clearly doesn’t agree with Guy’s conclusions. But in my (never even remotely) humble opinion, that means his willingness to interview Guy at all, and to let him have his full say with open-ended well-formed questions, should be a cause to respect him all the more. He strikes me as *genuinely* interested in covering all sides of the climate change topic, even those he disagrees with. Could you possibly ask for more from a citizen journalist?

    So what’s with the snide comments and contempt? Should Guy only interview with his sycophants? Please, EVERY TIME you want type in an ad hominum attack, shove your fingers in your mouth and chew on them a while. The urge will pass. It’s OK to have such emotions, but it hurts your message to spew them.

    If you enjoy public exposure, I suggest you edit your post to clearly state that Alex was respectfully skeptical and to apologize for your ill-considered short-hand of this.

    That said, thanks for the interview. It was head-and-shoulders above previous efforts, simply because the interviewer was articulate, informed and didn’t softball you.

  • Tim Bloom, I thanked Alex for the interview. I will not thank him for the subsequent inaccurate, disingenuous description.

  • i-tyrone, i think u meant Salvia divinorum, not sativa d… (btw, i tried it a few years ago with a friend at home and had a nightmarish trip)

    ‘If the pineal gland is destroyed instantly, it is not be able to release DMT, depriving one of the ‘death’ experience.’

    good point to consider, wren. thanks for bringing it up. it reminded me of a great book i have and read: PIHKAL (a chemical love story) by alex and ann shulgin. i just referenced it again to see what the authors had to say about DMT. very oddly, it’s not even listed among the hundreds of psychedelics described in this excellent work…

    “The way to mental health is continued resistance, fierce and unrelenting.”

    i don’t know. seems to me resistance is futile, not fertile, like banging one’s head against a wall repeatedly, as it pertains to tptb. perhaps a failure to recognize or acknowledge one’s limits. as i’ve said before, if we were omnipotent/perfect, none of us would be entangled in this messy world, would we? i guess it’s a case of to each, his own, or whatever floats your boat…

    not sure what that means anymore

  • another false dilemma and red herring

    I didn’t state HE IS an establishment hack, only that *I consider him to be*

    and it is a fact that upon his failure to give Guy a fair shake even after he directly complained to him about the hatchet job he did on him *after his segment on the show*, Alex ignored Guy and his hatchet job stood unchallenged..

    the other fact is because of Alex’s actions (both the hatchet job AND him sweeping Guy’s objections aside when he protested it), I did decide to stop airing his shows

    none of these facts are in dispute..

    as to whether Alex’s contributions merit additional slack for such a hatchet job on such an important issue, I have to say, so what – look at this so-called community station’s actual financial state, then look at mine (or Freak radio Santa Cruz) and again tell us how high & mighty Alex is:

    KZFR’s Underwriters :

    A-1 Brake & Alignment
    Advantage Insurance Services
    Affordable Automotive
    Ag Mart
    Alter Ego/ Fantasy Fashion Show
    Alternative Energy Systems
    Andrew Spraque Construction
    Apothecary Options
    ARC Stores
    At Home Computer
    Awakened Yoga
    Baird Roofing Co.
    Baker’s Birkenstock
    Bill Carter Realty
    Birchard Construction
    Blaze’n J’s
    Blue Oak Charter School
    Blues By The Bay
    Bob’s Heating, Ventilation & Air Conditioning
    Bruce Jenkins Insurance Services/EFT
    Butte County Economic Development Corp.
    Cartridge World
    Cascade Theater/ DSO
    Cascade Theater/ Matisayhu
    Center For The Arts/ DSO
    Cetra Advisor Networks
    Cha Lee
    Chao Vang Insurance
    Chapelle de L’Artiste
    Chico Art Center
    Chico Conservation Voters
    Chico Creek Nature Center
    Chico Environmental Science
    Chico Farmers Market
    Chico Natural Foods
    Chico News & Review 45 Trade
    Chico Paper Company
    Chico Racquet Club
    Chico Rockstars
    Chico Rod & Gun Club
    Chico Sol
    Chico Sol
    Chico Sports Club
    Chico Sports LTD
    Chico Women’s Club
    Chico World Dancers
    Chico’s Thursday Night Market
    Chicos Homes dot com
    Colusa Reality/Dead
    Colusa Realty
    Community Memorial Museum of Sutter County
    Concours de la Chapelle
    CSU, Continuing Ed.
    D.A. Lampe
    Dahlmeier Insurance
    Digital Path
    Dr. Ken Logan
    Dr. Mike Shuell
    Dr. Russ Kalen
    Duffy’s Tavern
    Eco Cab
    Electric Canyon Studio
    Farm Star Pizza
    Feather River Hospital
    Feminist Women’s Health Center
    Fidel Tunno Hardwood Floors
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    Flue Season
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    Forest Ranch Carter School
    Garden Connection
    Go Green Chico Carpet Cleaning
    Great State Coffee Company
    GRID Alternatives
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    Happy Feet Reflexology / 8
    Harrison, Daily, Wright Accountancy Corporation
    Has Beans / 15
    Healthy Solutions Insurance Services
    High Sierra Music Festival 2014
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    Kate Wolf Festival
    KVMR Celtic Festival
    KZFR #21
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    Miners Foundry/ March 4th M.B.
    Miners Foundry/ Nev. City Film Festival
    Miners Foundry/ Wailers
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    Peters, Habib, McKenna & Juhl-Rhodes Law Firm
    Petersen Tree Care
    Pinwheel Community Acupressure Pr
    Pullins Cyclery
    Rawe Tree Care
    Recycled Art Project
    Red Hot Metal
    Robert Amendola & Assoc.
    Rooney Law Firm
    Sacred Renewal
    Satava Art Glass
    Serenity Cleaning
    Sierra Nevada Brewing Co.
    Sipho’s Restaurant & Cafe
    Skyway Golf Park
    STAR Credit Union
    Starbright Productions
    String Bead
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    The Floral Collaborative
    The Handle Bar
    The Outside Inn
    The Pita Pit
    The Printed Image / 30
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    Tim Kemper, Stanford Mortgage
    Tony’s Hardwood Floors
    TRADE/101 Things To Do In Butte Co. 8
    Trailhead Adventures
    Tres Hombres Long Bar
    Turner Chiropractic
    Uncle Dad’s Art Coll. / Led Zeppelin
    Upgraded Living
    Upper Crust Bakery
    Urban Design Renovation and Construction
    Woodstock’s Pizza
    Yang Chiropratic
    Yoga Center of Chico

    120 volunteers who provide a wide variety of music programming as well as local public affairs and information programs, and who assist a small paid management staff with fundraising

    Board of Directors and committees.

    Committees serve to develop the finer points of KZFR’s sound and on-air identity.

    Board of Directors

    Steve O’Bryan – Co-Chair
    Curtis Peldo – Vice Chair
    Mary Galvin – Secretary
    Sue Hilderbrand – Co-Chair
    Mike Marvier
    Xela Young
    Dan Joseph
    Tom Leonardi
    Catherine Beeghly


    Program Committee

    * Rick Anderson – Chair/General Manager, paid $ 40,776 per year + $ 6,450 in bonuses

    ‘Other Salaries and Wages’ $ 91,728
    * Preston Powers
    * Marc Albert
    * Walter Mahoney

    Community Advisory Board

    * Laura Sederberg, Chair
    * Walter Mahoney
    * Chris Nelson
    * Bob Speer
    * Terre Reynolds
    * Mark Latham
    * Peter Kimmel
    * Bobbi Tryon

    looking at the Financial Statement

    a $ 371,000 per year operation, with a leased transmitter/tower costing several thousand dollars per year, the electric bill runs well over $ 15,000 per year.

    (because it’s 6.3 kW located at a leased antenna farm 15 miles out of Chico)

    $ 1.7 million total income over the few years listed with available form 990 data (2 years out of date)

    this is a KPFA clone, foundation funded, business underwritten, with all the trimmings

    Golden Valley Community Broadcasters in Chico, California

    Amount of income in 2012: $331,221 (it was $358,698 in 2011)
    Golden Valley Community Broadcasters: $331,221
    Other organizations performing similar types of work: $184,111

    Assets in 2012: $174,149 (it was $153,995 in 2011)
    This organization: $174,149
    Other organizations performing similar types of work: $169,828

    Total revenue $349,497
    Contributions, Gifts, Grants and Other Similar Amounts $183,417
    Program Service Revenue $143,049

    Net income from fundraising events $22,866
    Gross income from fundraising events $32,067
    Less: direct expenses $9,201

    Total functional expenses $325,668
    Compensation of current officers, directors, trustees, and key employees $46,000
    Other salaries and wages $90,045
    Payroll taxes $12,673
    Other $176,950

    Total assets $153,995
    Total liabilities $29,454

    Total net assets or fund balances $124,541

    Support Schedule for Organizations Described in Section 509(a)(2) (for 2011)
    2007 – 2011 Total

    Total support $1,500,897
    Gifts, grants, contributions, and membership fees received $796,146
    Gross receipts from admissions, merchandise sold or services performed, or facilities furnished in any activity that is related to the organization’s tax-exempt purpose $694,450
    Tax revenues levied for the organization’s benefit and either paid to or expended on its behalf $0
    The value of services or facilities furnished by a governmental unit to the organization without charge $0
    Gross income from interest, dividends, payments received on securities loans, rents, royalties and income from similar sources and Unrelated business taxable income (less section 511 taxes) from businesses acquired after June 30, 1975 $10,301

    NOT ‘free radio’ at all

    My Underwriters : 0

    My Board of Directors: 0

    My Committees: 0

    My officers, directors, trustees, and key employees: 0

    My salaries and wages: 0

    My Payroll taxes: 0

    My total cash flow ~ $ 86 per year (electricity cost to run transmitters and computers)

    this ^ is free radio

    ADDED: I’m in error, (so I wasn’t going to post this) I noticed it’s called ‘radio free Chico’ not free radio Chico..

  • “The need is to articulate what is happening, not to assume that the greater society has some validity of whacked out social normalization that trumps our individual experience and analysis.”

    Sounds reasonable.

  • I think I had a post earlier today censored? Why?

    “The only way to sleep well, to be genuinely happy, is to keep fighting,..”


    Here’s my approach.

    My plan to successfully fight the political world of today. Begin a Private Investgation Agency in the manner of the KKK, in reverse. Obtain licenses and good serveillance equipment to spy on politicians and expose their ways to the public. Form a secret society named the Bone and Skulls. All members must undergo a lie detector test every month or p.r.n. to determine fealty. If u fail, u will lose a digit of choosing by the Grand Motherfucker for the first offence. The second offence is loss of an ear.
    Third is loss of penis. (Maybe this shud be first!).

    Anthem: Nature Bats Last.

  • Shep, I didn’t censor a post of yours

  • The reason I continually come back here is because there are no other sites that deliver this complete message, without some “what if” or “maybe” BS. Also, I can’t say often enough, I appreciate the updates.
    If there are other sites to view with a no-BS policy, please tell me-THANKS.
    Just the truth-as best we can see it.

  • .
    the quotation marks go outside the punctuation.
    …maybe I need to get more ‘mentally ill.’
    Divest Now.
    Just sittin’ on this runaway train, staring out the window, with a cat on my lap.
    The Voluntary Extinction Movement
    Thou shalt not procreate.
    The Church of Euthanasia
    Save the planet, kill yourself.

  • tvt.

    It may be obvious but for clarification, the points I was making were:

    1. The system goes to extraordinary lengths to keep people alive (well that is so around here at the moment). People in their 70s and 80s get flown around the country for all sorts of surgery and other medical interventions.

    One of the most ironic cases I know of concerns a friend of mine in the dance scene about ten years ago. Life got intolerable for him because of dysfunctional family arrangements and he overdosed on a mass of pills (not sure what) one night but was discovered and taken to hospital. He remained in a coma for about 6 weeks, and then made a very slow recovery from the overdose over the following few months, only to be diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer. which caused his death about 18 month after the attempted suicide. Rather than the painless, peaceful release he got the long, drawn-out, painful, medicated release.

    Now the cynic may say that is because corporations now run much of the ‘retirement’ system and a lot of the ‘health’ system they need to keep consumers alive as long as possible to maintain profitability. That perspective negates the genuine compassion many people in the system have for the elderly and sick.

    2. People I have mentioned have limited existences, yet do not (as far as I know) contemplate ending those limited existences: the will to live is usually extraordinarily high, as demonstrated by the numerous stories of survival, one of the most extraordinary being

  • “Study Death” PLATO

    Death 101 should be part of art class beginning in kindergarten.

    DMT isn’t needed for instant death !

    Traumatizing our relationship to death has always been a key function in the remote-control of the species

  • Guy,

    My error. I must not have sent it. My mind is more than dizzy, it is breaking down. Fast.

  • kevin

    u’ve got me thinking more of the consequences of losing all fear of death/dying. such as the possibility that suicide and maybe homicide as well could skyrocket, as death may come to be perceived as preferable to flawed, limited lives replete with suffering.

    it sux to be flawed/limited, but u know what else sux? our world, culture, society, sheeple in general. we’re enmeshed in a situation that sux, that in many respects is nightmarish in the present, and as virtually all here are convinced, shall become unbearably nightmarish for a vast majority if not all of us (un)fortunate enough to be alive when the shit goes down.

    i wonder if u, like i, fear that without fear of death, suicide could be ‘chosen’ quickly. perhaps we need fear of death to have sufficient reason to want to live? i think life is the most pervasive, and perhaps pathological, addiction we face.

    we’re all conditioned to perceive life as a priceless ‘gift’, but is it? is it the asking of this question what makes u find the topic remarkably distasteful?

    i don’t honestly know what i’d do without death to fear. i suspect it would make my life shorter, but sweeter. a worthwhile trade-off?! at any rate, i don’t know if i can or ever will lose that fear. i know one thing: when it comes time to die, i’d love to be fearless. wouldn’t u?

  • TVT says:
    “i don’t honestly know what i’d do without death to fear. i suspect it would make my life shorter, but sweeter.”

    Seeing how methane release from the Arctic is set to make your life shorter anyway, why not grab onto whatever sweetness you can while there is still time? Struggling to maintain some level of certainty about life is a waste of time. You have, at best, fifteen years left to live. Go out and live.

    If, by some quirk of fate or science or plain dumb luck, it turns out that the end of the human race is delayed for another ten years or more the only thing you’ve done is enjoyed your life more those last fifteen years. There is no downside to embracing life and dismissing death.

  • @zhol-
    quote “DMT isn’t needed for instant death !”

    Looks like you either didn’t read or didn’t comprehend my post.
    Of course it’s not ‘needed’ for death to occur, but it does occur during death, unless it’s destroyed first somehow, like by a high calibre bullet.

    My point – Here is an endogenous chemical manufactured in our brains, in the most protected spot in our bodies, more protected than even the heart in its cage of ribs;
    and during the final moments of death, it is released to receptors within the brain, providing an experience that some call ‘heaven’, that could seem to last for an eternity, according to those who partake in externally manufactured DMT.

  • What is going to be needed in New York is an invasion – to shut that sucker down. Might I suggest that one of the primary problems of the planet today is that New York exists. I can’t think of a more wretched collection of psychosis and hard-core violent denial than NYC. As Malcolm X said of the march on Washington in 1964, the plan was to shut that city . To stop the gears, to block the traffic, block the buildings, to occupy the airport runways, TO SHUT IT DOWN. Then what he called the house negroes came along and received ordered from “the fox” Mr Kennedy to prevent this agenda by any means necessary. And so it was done, and we had a dream and a bunch of words on paper and 50 years later ain’t nearly a dam thing changed.

    I expect the march on New York to be nothing short of a comical, sickly farce. Hell, if Ban Ki Moon is going to be there all I can think is how his Brazilian and Dominican UN soldiers helped Hatian Democracy by torturing and destroying it.

    FYI, Hedges is a punk. I will not forgive that cancer in occupy BS that near single handedly derailed the entire project and for which Hedges refuses to apologize or acknowledge.

    A note from the past
    “You appreciate revenge only in cinema fiction, the mask removed you prefer submission. Facing a society as hateful as it is rotten, you fight in favor of a civil, measured, educated protest. A protest that always remains at your height: on its knees.

    Now we know who that 1% is that you hate so much. You have made everyone understand who you real enemy is. It certainly isn’t the ruling class, to whom you address yourselves with respect. It is us. Us, who have no state to defend or improve. Us, who have no market to protect or exploit. Us, who don’t want to exercise or submit to any authority. Us, for whom life is not reducible to a time card to punch or checking account to protect. Us, for whom the crisis is not born with recent stock market speculations, or with the incapacity of those who sit in parliament today, but with living in this social order itself in all its aspects. Us, for whom all days are precarious in this world we did not want, in which we never recognize ourselves, and which smothers us.

    We don’t want to have anything to do with your 99%. With your demand for a moderate capitalism and an upright state. With your urban camping as nostalgic boyscouts. With your arms more and more inviting in the face of politicians, industrialists and guardians of order, and more and more vigorous against rebels. With your actions that get weaker and weaker and have become only a tepid interval in the status quo. No, we don’t want your reforms, your collaborationism, your alienated labor…

    We know what the real causes of the suffering we endure: the sect of power, the cult of money, but also the obedience that they demand and obtain. These causes are perpetuated in the daily lives of human beings by the actions, gestures, relationships that interweave within a society in which we feel that we are strangers everywhere… We will take our possibilities elsewhere. Through the hopes, dreams and actions that have earned your condemnation. You raise your sails passing the ropes to bureaucrats and police. You share space and air with the scum who have made life on this planet so unlivable. You head straight towards a new tomorrow with the hold still full of yesterday’s sh-t.

    You’ve misunderstood us. We don’t want your gold, we don’t at all want to conquer you, We want to make you go down with your entire cargo of death. ”

    We Are The 1% – http://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/anonymous-we-are-the-1

  • 2014.09.16.1700 Left Coast Time:
    Nature Bats Last podcast streaming online on Progressive Radio Network

    || immediately following the end of the above ||

    2014.09.16.1800 Left Coast Time:
    KZFR 90.1 FM streaming online Radio Free Chico GRM interview for one hour

  • @ Wester

    FYI, Hedges is a punk. I will not forgive that cancer in occupy BS that near single handedly derailed the entire project and for which Hedges refuses to apologize or acknowledge.

    I’m familiar with that, info, W. I posted the Hedges, as being mildly of interest to readers here, as to what’s happening. (Hope you’re doing okay yourself.)

    As this might be

    The DOJ to train community leaders to spot ‘radicals’

    The Department of Justice is launching a new program today in partnership with the White House, the Department of Homeland Security, and the National Counterterrorism Center that will train “community leaders” like teachers and social workers to monitor their communities for signs of radicalization. If the trainees think they have observed burgeoning radicalism, they are to report the potentially radicalized person(s) to law enforcement so the government can intervene before any crime has been committed.

    In his announcement of the initiative, Attorney General Eric Holder described the program as a way to “be both innovative and aggressive in countering violent extremism and combating those who would sow intolerance, division, and hate” in the homeland. He labeled it an expansion of existent efforts to “to identify threats before they emerge, to disrupt homegrown terrorists, and to apprehend would-be violent extremists.” Presumably this is only a stop-gap program until precogs can be developed for war on terror use.


  • tvt: thanks for the essay. For most of my life I’ve noticed that the powers that be have faced serenity with death. Rather than living in a world devoted to peace, understanding and cooperation we’ve been steered toward confrontation, individualism and conflict (powered by consumerism).


    U.S. government to buy 160,000 Ebola hazmat suits to prepare for full-blown global pandemic – Natural News

    September 2014 – HEALTH — The U.S. State Department has just put out a bid for 160,000 Ebola hazmat suits, announced a U.S. manufacturer called “Lakeland Industries.” The company’s press release, published at Yahoo Finance, reads: With the U.S. State Department alone putting out a bid for 160,000 suits, we encourage all protective apparel companies to increase their manufacturing capacity for sealed seam garments so that our industry can do its part in addressing this threat to global health. This is just the latest sign that the U.S. government is now preparing for a full-blown global outbreak of Ebola which would reach U.S. cities. –Natural News [there’s more]

  • Wester and fugl,

    This world is far more fucked up than I thought!

  • There’s abundant new material in this morning’s post. Catch it here.

  • can u imagine facing death with the same equanimity that mike ruppert displayed in his final hours, and if so, what do u think it would take to do so?

    Yes. I’ve thought about it often enough, and in enough different ways, that the idea of my personal extinction no longer bothers me.

    For me it would take either losing the love of my life though accident or illness, or a mutual decision with her that she can’t go on any longer (she has multiple health issues). In the latter case I would co-decease with her.

  • @ Wester

    “occupy.. .. project”

    Occupy is a tactic not a movement or project.


    the reason I brought up KZFR, is because even stations like this, which are really establishment funded [b]corporations[/b] give Guy a fairer shake than Alex did.

    these stations (and [b]N[/b]ational [b]P[/b]etroleum [b]R[/b]adio, PBS) not only crowd out true community stations on the dial, but actually sided with the NAB in going against LPFM stations existing at all, much less true community stations.

    These stations aren’t really community stations – they’re tax exempt, so they don’t pay their fair share of taxes, yet they rake in millions, have paid employees – career ‘community’ activists, and use the flame thrower broadcast model of emitting 1,000 X more CO2 than required to actually serve the town of service, by being located way outside of town, transmitting several KW from a distance. The proof that they intend to serve the distant town in question is in the [i]directional pattern[/i] their antenna throws off.

    My model (and Freak radio Santa Cruz) is to be right in the center of town, using as little power as possible to serve the same number of people.

    Add in the distant studio/office and STL, with the additional A/C – heating costs, etc, and they’re using well over 1,000 X the electricity, and emitting well over 1,000 X the CO2

    when the grid goes down, these stations will go down with it, because their operations are too efficient, too dependent on fossil fuel.

    Because they’re foundation funded and dependent on local CO2 intensive businesses (automotive, F.I.R.E. and other capitalist steaming piles of shit, which I mock and make fun of on-air) they’re highly unlikely to rock the boat on anything that matters (like the current drought for example – silence across the board on this one) their ‘mother’ station routinely runs techno-hopium fluff shows hosted by even more tax exempt employee career ‘community’ broadcasters..

    these so-called public broadcast stations are really just part of the infoOP, of information dominance, to marginalize and drown out real community voices in a sea of words and channels.

    – but despite even all that, they still treated Guy far better than Alex..

  • .
    You know, Guy has already said “We’re done.” There is no escape. Even the so-called “solutions” are stupid – except to return to the wild. Plant no crops, build no cities. Kill nothing, eat only that which falls from the trees, sleep on the ground, drink from the river.
    What nobody will admit to is that we are already dead. Civilization killed us long ago. We are nothing more than zombie consumers – eating ourselves but saving our selves for last.
    Divest Now.
    Just sittin’ on this runaway train, staring out the window, with a cat on my lap.
    The Voluntary Extinction Movement
    Thou shalt not procreate.
    The Church of Euthanasia
    Save the planet, kill yourself.