Channeling Berra about Barack: “If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him”

Lately I’ve been thinking about the relevance of Yogi Berra in the age of Obama. The all-star baseball catcher is best known as the master of the malapropism, and many quotes attributed to him seem especially timely in the age of Obama. I guess that’s one of the attributes of timeless quotes — they seem timely at least half the time.

As Berra pointed out in his 1997 book, The Yogi Book: I Really Didn’t Say Everything I Said!, he didn’t utter many of the quotes attributed to him. With that caveat, I’ll take artistic license in this essay. And, of course, I realize that the following predictions are fraught of peril. As Yogi reportedly said, “It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”

Barack Obama is surpassing Orwell’s worst nightmares, although the groupies formerly known as Lefties have failed to notice. Obama’s medical-care plan allows the Internal Revenue Service to sequester your money, with penalties, if you fail to pay for health [sic] insurance. Meanwhile, with support from the increasingly impotent Securities and Exchange Commission, Obama has destroyed the primary advantage of keeping your money in a Money Market fund. This ultraconservative investment formerly was famous for its accessibility, but Obama took care of that. You can no longer access your money if your fund manager is concerned about a run on the bank.

Beware Barack. As Yogi said, “Even Napoleon had his Watergate.”

Barack Obama’s primary concern is the ongoing economic implosion of the country — although I doubt Obama will be hanged in effigy, much less replaced by Sarah Palin in 2012, even the Wall Street Journal admits the country is hanging on the economic precipice — and he is spending considerable effort keeping the age of industry alive. His behind-the-scenes gangsters are almost certainly levitating the stock markets to maintain confidence in that ultimate con game, according to economists Mike Whitney and Nouriel Roubini. There’s nothing new about this illegal activity — the Plunge Protection Team was formed in 1988 under the Reagan administration — but I doubt they’ve ever been so busy. But it’s becoming increasingly clear that the United States is headed down the path of financial insolvency even as the government attempts to paper over the economic predicament associated with peak oil, most recently by doubling public debt with a single keystroke.

Manipulation of the markets is just another way to lie to the public allegedly served by this administration, “Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.”

Meanwhile, your average consumer continues to believe the media hype about the vaunted skills of mostly clueless mainstream economists. Most states face worsening economic conditions, and the only question is which states can slash services fast enough to forestall bankruptcy in the year ahead. Will these consumers put up with the endless bailouts certain to continue well into this year?

Yogi was right about money, especially the hyper-inflated kind: “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.” With respect to the future, Yogi seems downright prescient, “The future ain’t what it used to be.”

When Obama’s not burning bridges and bombing countries, he’s pumping money into walls in the Middle East and along the U.S./Mexico border. Intelligent people, undoubtedly including Obama, have known for years that walls never work. As even those of us with poor powers of observation know, “You can observe a lot just by watching.”

Advice for Obama from Berra: “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”

Nobel Peace Laureate Barack Obama is scaling up the war effort, with no limit in sight. His military adventures enjoy a free pass from his neo-conservative base of self-proclaimed liberals. Will he provoke a new member into the elite nuclear club?

Channeling Yogi, one more time: “It’s déjà vu all over again.”